It defies the english language to try to put into words what Donnie means to me.  He brought such love and joy to me, our children our grandchildren, our parents, our brothers and sisters, extended family (there are a lot of them!!!!!!!), and friends.  He was such a “FUN” person, and all the kids gravitated to him, knowing he would play with them, be silly, or make them laugh.  He loved to sing, and if you were talking he would start singing a song about some word you just said.  His brain was fueled by music!!!!!!!!!!  He truly loved singing praises to the Lord.  He stated he really missed leading praise and worship these last 2 years.  It’s part of his heart for God.

Donnie was always up to the shenanigans!!!!!!  This is an inherited family trait from his Mom and his Dad.  He was an overall happy person, and had a gift of being happy even during stressful times.  He was very compassionate and considerate of others.  He really loved being “THE MAN” . . .  the person to help solve a problem or give a helping hand to others.

He was a veteran, an MP in the Army, and a patriot.  He loved his country with a vengeance, and loved political debate and discussion.  He was an avid supporter of the 2nd admendment, and I must say, loved his guns!!

Donnie had much love to give, and showed it with his actions all the time.  He showed this love not only to his family and friends, but to his coworkers and his patients.  He had a calling to counsel and encourage others.  He was always inviting people to come to church with us.  He wanted all of his children to have faith and a love for God.  He is truly the nicest guy I have ever known.  These are some of the reasons he was loved so much on this earth.

I feel so honored to have known him, and to have had the privilege to be married to him for exactly 26 years.  We had an extra special relationship.  He was my best friend and confidant.  Our 26th wedding anniversary was yesterday, and I was praying that God would be gracious and take him to heaven that day.  I am so grateful that God answered my prayer.  I like to think of our wedding bands as a symbol of eternity.  The circle has no beginning and no end, and is a symbol of infinity.  Our wedding vows were complete yesterday, “till death do us part,” but our love will last for eternity.  As God promised, we will be reunited again, and what a joy that will be for all of us that love God and love Donnie!!!!!!!!!

I am sad beyond words that he is no longer with us, but so happy for him that he finished his journey on this earth faithful to God and faithful to his family.  No regrets.  He loved big, and he was loved big in return.  What a beautiful legacy for all of us that knew him.

I want to thank all of our family and friends for the HUGE BLESSING you were to Donnie over the past 2 years.  Donnie was in a fight for his life, and all of you were there encouraging him and loving him in so many ways.  It made his quality of life so extra special.  He felt so loved.  You all are the reason he was able to battle this disease and live a beautiful life over the past 2 years.  I have said many times, how beautiful it is when the people that love you get to tell you over and over how much you mean to them before you leave this earth to go to heaven.  What a gift he was given!!!!!!!!  There are no words to express how touched he was by each and every one of you, ESPECIALLY all of the prayers that were sent to heaven on his behalf.

There will be a Celebration of Life service for Donnie on Saturday, November 12, 2016, at 10 am in Legacy Hall at CrossLife Church in downtown Oviedo.  We would be honored if you could join us.

Love,  Tina

As you all know, Donnie is a fighter.  Not only has he shown his strong spirit throughout his journey with this disease, but now that his spiritual mind is trying to go to heaven, his physical body continues to “fight the fight!”  This has caused him some special problems.

The Hospice doctor that cared for Donnie the past two days has decades of experience in the Hospice environment.  He was taken aback at the amount of Dilaudid it was requiring to keep Donnie in pain control.  If you remember, he was on 132 mg of Dilaudid an hour for about a week.  Dr. Brown told me that was double the amount he had EVER had a patient on.  He could not believe Donnie was alive on that dose, and especially that he was able to be as strong as a bull and fight during this time.  Donnie continues to baffle the medical community.

The good news is that Donnie was always pain controlled.  The new difficulty to address was extreme terminal anxiety.  Donnie would wake up from resting quietly, and within 2 seconds would be determined to get out of the bed to go to the bathroom (even though he has a foley).  This strong determination happened very quickly, and he would immediately get up out of the bed.  Of course, he is quite weak and sedated, so he was not aware of himself.  He did not know he could not walk or stand.  Our family was almost functioning like bouncers with an unruly patron.  Donnie was incredibly strong, and able to resist our strongest family members for 45 minutes to an hour.  These episodes happened over and over, and back to back.  It was exhausting for us, and dangerous for him.  It seemed so incredible to us that he could even have such strength when he is so debilitated.  This went on for about 4 days, with lots of intervention that did not work well, before we went to the Hospice Inpatient Unit for answers.

The doctors changed all his medications from oral to IV for improved efficacy.  They put him on IV phenobarbital for anxiety, and awaited his response.  He was still able to manhandle all of us pretty well, so they doubled his dose to 130 mg every 6 hours.  He continued to have wrestling matches with us, and he was still able to be sly to accomplish his goal.  What must be going on inside that head of his!  They had to put him on IV Valium 5-10 mg every 2 hours, and Haldol 5 mg every 4 hours.  Even after all that, last evening he was still able to fight me and Beau for about 45 minutes.  Again, the medical staff was flabbergasted at his ability and strength, despite all the big doses of meds he had on board.

Of course, you must understand, this is Donnie’s body fighting to stay on this earth.  Its interesting to watch him, as he is determined, sometimes yells, “I’m pissed!” because we are restraining him, but he is not ugly to any of us, and does not use foul language.  He is just kicking our butts!!!!!!!!!!

Today, the anxiety seems to be under control.  No outbursts today to get out of the bed.  He is quiet and sleeping all of the time.  He does not speak, and is not making many noises to communicate at all.  He is transitioning for his beautiful homegoing.   We are grateful for the healthcare providers that are finding solutions for Donnie to be safe and comfortable.

It was a 2 day process, but Donnie’s anxiety seems to be controlled.  We will remain in the Hospice Unit where he can receive rapid intervention and IV medications to continue to support him.  He is quiet and peaceful, and we continue to be at his side at all times.

Be encouraged.  Donnie is transitioning to the place where he has aspired to go all his life . . . to be in the presence of the almighty God, to be with him on his right hand, to sing praises with his beautiful voice, to be where he will be reunited with loved ones that have passed on before us (this is God’s promise to us) . . . oh what a reunion that will be.  What a joy Donnie has been for the cause of Christ on this earth, and God has chosen to call him home.  We will miss him forever, and love him enthusiastically forever, but are happy for him to be complete in Christ.

Donnie is a strong person, so I cannot begin to guess the day or hour he will pass from this earth into eternity.  For now, we will cherish our moments with him.  Please continue to pray for his peace and comfort, and for ours.

Love,  Donnie & Tina

Unfortunately, Donnie is experiencing uncontrolled terminal anxiety.  He is too difficult for us to manage at home due to his crazy strength (like a super hero), so I had to admit him to the inpatient unit this morning.  Hospice is working on solutions for him.  Please pray that they will get his “cocktail” right, so he can be at peace.  Please pray for his anxiety to be controlled quickly.

God bless you for continuing to pray for Donnie!

Much love,  Tina

Donnie is a young person, had no health problems before his diagnosis of pancreatic cancer stage IV, and has lots of love in his life, so apparently he is writing his own book of expectations while he continues to be on this earth.  God certainly has a plan and a purpose for the timing of his homegoing . . .  I Corinthians 13:12                                                                                               New International Version
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

New Living Translation
Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.  All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

The Hospice doctor and nurse came to see Donnie at home on Friday.  We discussed some of his issues, and they brainstormed and came up with solutions.  Donnie has been agitated despite medications to control it, so we added Valium to his regime.  That has really seemed to help him.  We also increased his Dilaudid bolus.  I am so grateful for the doctor coming out and “putting eyes” on Donnie to trouble shoot problems and find new solutions.

Although Donnie has not had anything to eat in 5 days now, and is only taking sips of water with his crushed medications, he continues to occasionally get up and stand at the side of the bed and attempt to talk to us.  Such a strong constitution and desire to live.  It boggles the practical and intellectual mind.  I keep thinking it is his love of others that keeps him strong and determined.

Yesterday morning Donnie was able to tell Jeff (son) that he loves him, and then he told me later in the afternoon.  These are very cherished moments.  Of course he is heavily sedated and sleeping the grand majority of the day and night now, so these moments are few and far between.

He is currently on 24 mg of Dilaudid an hour, with boluses of 18 mg every 10 minutes.  This is a total of 132 mg of Dilaudid an hour.  He still really appreciates getting his head massaged and washed.  Our family is with him 24/7, and we are all amazed he can communicate with us AT ALL due to his medication requirements to manage his pain and agitation.

I cannot begin to tell you how amazing it is to have the support of our children, siblings and parents during this time.   There are usually  3-8 family members with me throughout each day, helping Donnie through the day and night.  They allow me to get much needed rest.  Truly, what a blessing to us!  What a comfort!!

Several of our precious friends have been bringing us meals to help us through this time.  I truly cannot tell them how much it has meant to us!!  The love and prayers that go along with that food help to hold us up when we are weary are cherished.  We are so blessed!!!

Please continue to pray for pain management, agitation management, and strength for Donnie’s caregivers.  We continue lean on God, and know that he has us wrapped in his everlasting arms.  Please continue to pray for Donnie’s comfort during this time.

Love,  Donnie & Tina

 

 

I continue to be amazed and somewhat shocked at Donnie’s ability to be kind, sweet and funny even through these last days.  There are so many funny stories.  It’s just who he is.  We are all so grateful to have those memories!!

Donnie and Ronnie’s 40th class reunion was last weekend.  He went to Brandon High School and graduated in 1976.  Those in attendance at the reunion made a video for Donnie, encouraging him, reading his life verse from the Bible, and telling him how special he is to them.  Donnie was doing very poorly that day, but he was able to watch that video and smile many times.  He felt so loved!!

Donnie is not in pain.  Currently he is on 18 mg per hour of Dilaudid, with 9 mg boluses every 10 minutes.  He is in the bed all the time, but occasionally sits up at random.  With all that pain killer, he kissed me and his sweet Momma this morning.  He put his Momma’s hand inside both of his to warm her cold hands and make her smile.  He is still reaching out to others to minister to them.

So we continue to wait on God’s plan for Donnie.  All of Donnie’s brothers and sisters were here Monday and Tuesday to be with him, along with my sister.  Wendy (sister) and I were able to give Donnie a piano and flute concert . . . music therapy!  He loves it when we play together.  We played and hour and a half of beautiful Christian music, including some of his favorites, like “More Love, More Power,” “Your Grace Still Amazes Me,”  and “Jesus Loves Me.”  He was in rough shape that day, but still was able to tell us that our music was beautiful to him!

Our big group of family has all gone home now, to give Donnie peace and quiet.  Our four children are with us now to help with whatever we need.  Brothers and sisters come one at a time to help us, too.  Of course, Donnie’s Mom will continue to stay with us all of the time.  We also have Hospice whenever we need them.

We thank all of you for your sweet prayers, encouragement and love.  Love is very powerful.  Sometimes I think it is Donnie’s strong love for those in his life that keeps him persevering here on this earth.  He is so special to all of us that love him.

Love,  Tina

 

 

Today, Bri and Sophia “planted” flowers for Pa, to give him a gift.  They brought it over to me to give to him.  Of course, he loved it!!  A bird of paradise with some Oleander flowers intertwined, and all of it in a dirt filled pot.  Priceless!!!

Donnie’s requirements for pain medication are increasing daily.  Currently he is on 10 mg per hour of Dilaudid, with the ability to give himself 6 mg boluses every 10 minutes.  In the past 12 hours, he took 11 boluses.  That computes to 186 mg of Dilaudid in 12 hours.  He is still walking (although he is quite light headed), and he ate a few bites of watermelon for breakfast.  Of course, his eating has dropped off quite a bit.

Please continue to pray for pain relief and nausea control.  These large amounts of Dilaudid cause him to have motion sickness and nausea.

We continue to be so grateful to our Hospice nurse, and the support and kindness with which she treats Donnie.  He tells her how much he appreciates how she talks with him each and every time she is here, and hugs her neck.  It is so important to him to be a part of his health care decisions, while he is still capable.

Thank you for your prayers.

Love,  Donnie & Tina

Its hard to wrap my head around the fact that it has been 4 months since Donnie’s last chemotherapy treatment.  We are so grateful for Hospice, and the quality of life they have given to us over these 4 months.  As most people know that have had experience with Hospice, it is a WONDERFUL decision to be supported by them.  It does not mean you have given up, it means quality of life is more important than anything else.

Donnie continues to require more and more pain management support, and it has been very effective.  He is mostly a pain level of 2 on a scale of 1-10, which is very tolerable for him.  Currently he is on Dilaudid 8 mg continuous IV, with the ability to give himself 4 mg boluses every 10 minutes.  He took 11 of those boluses over the past 24 hours.  He is still pleasant, talks to us when we disturb him, and still cracking jokes.  Of course, talking is few and far between, as he wants to rest and sleep most of the time.  He is still walking around the house with some assistance.

He is eating just a few bites of food at breakfast and supper.  This morning he had 4 small bites of a cinnamon roll I made for him.  We let him eat whatever he feels like eating, or not at all.

He has not been able to read FaceBook or text messages for a while now (motion sickness really affects him when he reads).  On Sunday (2 days after Hurricane Matthew), I got an amazing message from Marissa (friend of ours from Donnie’s ICU at Florida Hospital East).  She and 3 other nurses from the ICU went to the Mohave Desert, unbeknownst to us, and released a lantern in Donnie’s honor.  They wrote sweet messages on the outside of the lantern, and sent us the experience on video.  They said the experience was overwhelmingly spiritual.  Donnie was able to watch it, and was touched to tears.  So thoughtful and kind!!!  Thank you for caring about him so much!!  What a beautiful tribute.  Really, no words.

Please continue to pray for him, and for all of us that care for him and love him.

Love,  Tina

 

Wednesday night we had to make a decision:  Are we moving Donnie to Brandon (where his Mom and brothers and sisters live) for safety from Hurricane Matthew, or are we staying home.  Donnie really wanted to stay in the comfort of our home, and it would certainly be easier for me to help care for him here with his special needs, including support from Hospice.

We talked with our family and came up with a plan.  Rodger (brother) and Terri (sister-in-love) brought a generator and gas can to us from Brandon on Thursday morning (through all the crazy traffic on I-4!!).  If we lost power, at least we could keep Donnie cool in the bedroom for a few hours or a day with a portable air conditioner powered by the generator.

Robert (Lorraine’s husband and a building contractor), came by our home that day (on his way home from Cape Canaveral to Brandon), to look at our electrical “stuff,” to be sure we had proper connectability for a whole house generator.   If we lost power during the storm, we would run the the portable air conditioner in our bedroom for Donnie, and Rodger would then drive to Oviedo AGAIN and bring a whole house generator he rented for us in Brandon, and hook it up for us.

 

Rodger and Terri also brought the portable air conditioner to us from Brandon, loaned to us from Eddie and Julie (friends and neighbors to Ronnie and Darlene).  Rodger sawed a wood insert for the sliding glass door in our bedroom to accommodate the air conditioner and the generator.  Later that night, David (son) and I put it into place, with musical-note-colored duct tape from Kathy McDonald (we were laughing!).  Hey, it takes a village!!!!!!

David and Beau brought all the back porch furniture and plants into the house.  Rachael brought us groceries.  Joyce and David spent the night with us to support us.  Beau went home to stay with Dad through the storm.  Jeff (son) and family evacuated from St. Augustine to Brandon.  Donnie was relieved.  It was 9 pm on Thursday night, and we were as ready as possible for Hurricane Matthew.

As you can imagine, all of this activity put Donnie in a bad place.  He has a difficult time when there are problems, and he is not part of the solution.  It’s just who he is.  It is frustrating for him.  He doesn’t complain about it, he just gets sicker.  We tried to keep him in a room away from all of the hubbub most of the time.  I was doing great, until he took me aside and prayed for me.  He prayed for me.  He is so kind.  No words.

We like to call it the “McFarland Effect!”  Apparently when you go to lots of trouble to be prepared, you don’t have any problems from the storm.  LOL  Of course, prayer had more to do with it . . . its just our little family joke.  Based on the pool filling up, it looked like we got 5-6 inches of rain at our house, and plenty of scary wind.  We never lost power, and only had a few small sticks land in our front yard off our oak tree.  We were incredibly blessed!!!!!!!!  Thank you Lord for allowing us to stay home in comfort!!!!!

Donnie is a little weaker each day.  His psychosis is totally gone now (Ativan is his nemesis).  He is still walking around the house with a walker on his own.  Yesterday he only ate a cup of vegetables all day (he threw up in the morning, probably due to concern with the hurricane).  Today, he ate a cup of grits and one scrambled egg with a piece of toast and strawberry jam for breakfast.  Its a better day.

Thanks to everyone for your calls, texts, concern and prayers during this trying time.  A GREAT BIG HUG to all our family . . . oh my . . . we would have been in a mess without them!!!!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

We remain grateful for every prayer prayed for us.  Please continue to pray for Donnie’s comfort, and for all of us caring for him.

Love,  Donnie & Tina

 

 

 

Yesterday . . . I don’t even know where to begin.  Donnie continues on his rollercoaster.

The morning was very good.  Flora (daughter-in-love) kissed Donnie goodbye at 10 am (she spent the day and night with us), and drove back to St. Augustine.  Donnie’s Mom drove in from Brandon at 10 am, and she cooked Donnie some grits and scrambled eggs.  He ate it all, and followed it with dessert:  A few pieces of watermelon!

David (son) also came to spend the day and night with us.  Donnie stayed up talking with David and his Mom until almost 2 pm.  This was the most awake Donnie has been in the morning for weeks.  He also received his GIANT “fortune cookie” from his ICU family via FedEx, which put a big smile on his face!

At 10 minutes before 2 pm, Donnie started having sharp abdominal pains.  He took an extra dose of Dilaudid 1 mg IV.  He continued to take 1 mg of Dilaudid every 10 minutes for the next 2 hours.  After that, he took 1 mg of Dilaudid about every 30 minutes.  In all, he took 16 extra doses of Dilaudid from 2 pm until 11 pm (on top of his basal rate of 3 mg per hour).  Total, that’s 43 mg of Dilaudid in 9 hours.  That’s an awful lot of pain medication to still be walking around and eating.

Even with the rapid increase in pain medication, Donnie still ate dinner with Mom, David and me:  Rotisserie mojo chicken,  green beans, rice, black-eyed peas, fried okra,  and cornbread.  He ate a plate full of food.  I continue to be amazed at his inner strength.

I called Hospice to come out and evaluate him around 9 pm, as I feared he would not be pain controlled through the night.  Hospice has been wonderful to be responsive to us, and the nurse arrived in 45 minutes.  The nurse called the doctor, and new orders were instituted.  Donnie’s basal rate of Dilaudid was increased from 3 mg to 6 mg per hour, and his bolus was increased from 1 mg to 2 mg every 2 hours.

On his new basal rate, Donnie still took 3 extra doses of Dilauded from 11 pm Tuesday night until 5 am today.   Currently, he is still ambulatory and talking.  Please continue to pray for effective pain control.  He has not had any nausea for weeks now, which is a very big praise.

Even though we are walking this challenging journey, we are so grateful for the love of family and friends that pray for us and encourage us.  We are reminded by God, without love, we are nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:  New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poorand give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Love,  Donnie & Tina

It has been 15 weeks since Donnie’s last chemotherapy treatment.  We are so grateful for the time we have all been able to spend with him . . . precious family time.

This past week Donnie required an increase in his pain medication.  His Dilaudid was increased to 3 mg per hour, and he can give himself a 1 mg bolus of Dilaudid every 10 minutes if he needs it.  This past week was full of lots of psychosis for him.  He was a fast moving nightmare (quickly sitting up and getting out of bed), yet he is unsteady on his feet due to sedation, and he was having crazy dreams and fantastical thinking 24/7.  Jeff came over from St. Augustine and Donnie’s brothers came over from Brandon to sleep with Donnie for about 5 days in a row.  I was pretty sleep deprived.  Also, a Hospice CNA came from 11 pm to 7 am for 3 nights in a row, and stayed in the room with him (and his brothers) to help him.  I finally figured out that Ativan was causing his psychosis (coupled with the increase in his Dilaudid).  After being off the Ativan for 2 days, he is now sleeping calmly at night.

Yesterday Donnie had increasing abdominal pain.  He gave himself 6 extra boluses of Dilaudid yesterday, which is the most he has had to give himself since his basal rate was increased to 3 mg an hour.  I am so grateful the Hospice docs have him on Dilaudid, and that it works for him.  Oh my . . . what a praise!!!!!

Donnie sleeps the majority of the day and night now.  Yesterday he ate a bowl of cereal at 10 am, then he was back to sleep within an hour.  He slept all day, then got up around 6 pm and ate about a cup of my homemade spaghetti.  He stayed up (with lots of dozing off) for about 2 hours, visiting with family, then back to bed.

Our family stays with us day and night now.  Everyone is doing whatever they can to help both of us.  Words cannot express how grateful we are!!  Donnie is losing weight and waning physically, but his inner spirit remains strong.  He is a quiet and strong fighter.

Thank you for your prayers for controlled pain and no nausea.  His pain is controlled very well, and he has not complained of nausea in over 2 weeks. That is a huge praise.  Please continue to pray.

As you can imagine, this is an emotionally challenging time for all of us that love Donnie.  We are grateful for all the prayer warriors that pray for us and for our family.  You have held us up when we didn’t have the strength.  We are most grateful to God for giving us family and  friends to support us during such a difficult time.  May God bless all of you!

Love,  Donnie & Tina